What I'm Missing.

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"Do something fun."

FUN? What's fun?

Lately the things I once did simply because I loved them have become almost like work. Simply tasks, little boxes to be checked off. And not that there's anything wrong with checking off the boxes (I love the feeling) but still...

Where's the heart?
Where's the fire?
Where's the passion?

Goals and ambitions can only take you so far.

You know how the saying goes, all writers have writers' block, all artists have periods of no inspiration. And I know for every burst of inspiration there will be twice as much the need for determination, but all the same...

Where's the heart?
Where's the fire?
Where's the passion?

Discipline can only take you so far.

I've lived so long in this endless round of to-do lists and deadlines and assignments that it has become my life.

That kind of life means you will run but never arrive anywhere. It means the finish line will always be in sight but never any closer.

That kind of life will suck all your joy right out of your bones.

And that kind of life is not what I was created to live.

Who am I? And who am I meant to be?

Stop. Think. Breathe. Remember.

I'm a girl with big dreams, but I may have forgotten the greatest dreams of all.

What dreams? Which dreams are the greatest of all?

To love what I do? To love my life? To be real? To risk without fear? To find joy? To find myself? 

No, more than all that, the Dream is to find You again. Because I'm completely out of words now, and I know I just can't do it anymore.

It's not me I need, but You:
Not my words,
Not my poem,
Not my screenplay,
Not my story,
Not my life,
But Yours.

I need to find You again.


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photo: April 25, 2020