Stories and Starlight

4.21.2022 // written after receiving a rejection email regarding my audition for the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts --||--||-- I waited for months for their reply. MONTHS. Submitted that audition video in late February and waited until late April and now  the waiting is finally over. Do you know what so much waiting will do to you? You go through stages, like the stages of grief but for a completely hypothetical misfortune. I was starting to worry.  Maybe they never received my video.  And then, a more terrible horror.  Or maybe they DID, but my email ran out of storage again and I haven’t seen their reply because it’s blocked. Panic for a little bit. Then race to the computer, hash out a hasty email to the admissions team. Could you let me know what’s going on? There’s some comfort in that. At least now I know I did all I could (I should probably still clean out my email though). The next day, I got a reply. Your video is currently with the audition panel. And tha...

friday, june 18 - saturday, june 26, 2021 --|--|--|-- || the highlights what happened that stood out This the first week I can remember in a long time when I've felt such a wide range of emotions, and I get the feeling it won't be the last.  iCon 2021 was a rollercoaster, but nevertheless a blast. One of my struggles was learning to be adaptable and working without a clear plan of what was coming next. I like to plan ahead and be prepared for possible outcomes, so I struggle a lot with  So, a little overview list: - a genuine sense of camaraderie - competing in my final tournament at the iCon 2021 International Championship - making it to showcase with our Much Ado About Nothing  OrAd and winning FIRST PLACE!! - working with the 15-18 year old student track - intern photo and video shoots - spontaneous dance parties - becoming well-acquainted with the hallway mirror, in which many selfies were taken - wildflower crowns - a really cute hat I got while exploring the neighbo...

In January, roads and journeys began and came to an end. Namely, I turned eighteen (the end of "childhood") and began Prospective Internship. I also saw some new opportunities for my acting journey. I met a professional actor, we connected, questions and advice were exchanged, and the chance of more acting training in the future was brought up. ( I feel such hope for the future I just know I've got to be on the right path, I thought.) In February, my heart was broken. For someone with no real experience in romantic relationships, I'd been struggling with my feelings for a while. That month, I wrestled with the growing realization that my romantic feelings and my real-life goals and convictions didn't align. That month, reality also slapped me in the face, and it stung. ( I hate this. But at least I know it'll serve as fuel for my poetry,  I sighed.) In March, my to-do list was filled to the seams. I had the unique experience of getting to teach a class about ...

why couldn't it be me? every time I remember, there's a hollow in my heart and no one knows how deep it goes: not because my heart is empty but because I'm so full of desire someone's out there in a place I want to be in a role I want to play but I'm the one who prayed I'm the one who crafted the dream I'm the one who read the books and wrote character studies I'm the one who ran deep into my own ambition and all I have left are saltwater tears and a heart overfull,  over years of dreaming and nowhere to go with it. why am I here? what happened to the promises? and maybe I'm in denial, but what do I have to grieve? maybe losing these dreams is like losing lives; except these lives never existed outside of me,  so maybe a part of me is lost too. what a puzzle grief is; what a puzzle I am. worlds collide behind my eyelids  but the world outside my window leaves much to wish for, and desperation drifts into the mix. how much longer do I have to wait? Yo...