Stories and Starlight

  We’re eight months away from turning twenty, and whenever something significant, or even mildly significant, happens, I keep thinking back to the past version of me who was pretty lost and raging at life — the past version of me that was you. I think you deserve a recap by now; maybe a touch of hope. (Maybe I need to remember these things too, and that’s why I’m telling you, because otherwise it would feel too silly to just tell my present self these things. Like a pep talk, but less cliché, I suppose. I hope.) I’m rediscovering my love of writing. It’s been about two years since I started writing again, and up to now it’s mostly been poetry, but I’m hoping to change that too. Fanfiction and prose and screenplays, maybe a novel someday. Definitely a memoir: it’s on my bucket list. I’m glad we’ve been keeping a diary since we were nine. We haven’t always been a consistent diarist, it’s true, but it’s helped me remember past versions of me like you more clearly.  You probably ...

In January, roads and journeys began and came to an end. Namely, I turned eighteen (the end of "childhood") and began Prospective Internship. I also saw some new opportunities for my acting journey. I met a professional actor, we connected, questions and advice were exchanged, and the chance of more acting training in the future was brought up. ( I feel such hope for the future I just know I've got to be on the right path, I thought.) In February, my heart was broken. For someone with no real experience in romantic relationships, I'd been struggling with my feelings for a while. That month, I wrestled with the growing realization that my romantic feelings and my real-life goals and convictions didn't align. That month, reality also slapped me in the face, and it stung. ( I hate this. But at least I know it'll serve as fuel for my poetry,  I sighed.) In March, my to-do list was filled to the seams. I had the unique experience of getting to teach a class about ...

I. It was dinner time when I wrote him a note. Pulled out a pen and covered one, two  sky-colored sticky notes front and back with neatly printed marks. You’re a great friend to have. Stay in touch. Phrase it as a fact, write it as an order. Finally finding the courage in my quick-beating heart to  be upfront, straightforward --  a heady rush of newfound strength. To approach, but not to ask if he feels the same, and never to know what might happen if he did. (Cover it all up in friendship terms,  can’t let on,  can’t let go.) II. Sometimes he’ll give a smile, sometimes hey, how are you. Sometimes a hug. Sometimes not even a pale blue glance. Scan the room, find him, anticipation rising... and I feel the drop, the b     u         m              p                ...

I first saw the idea of " months in review " on another blog, amid these embers (which you should definitely check out), and I really liked the concept of summarizing my month, so I decided I'd give it a try. I've created my own template inspired by the original one but with a few differences, because I wanted it be unique and not an identical copy, which would be wrong. I'm saying this so you won't give me credit for the original idea. It is not mine and I believe I should respect that. So why am I writing this post? I really, really love remembering things. I'm very nostalgic and while I have a very good memory for some things, the passage of time is not one of them. So the principal reason for doing this to record the notable things that happen in a way that lets me see more of a big-picture idea of what a certain month was like when I look back. This is my first time writing something like this, so bear with me. I tried my best to make it interesting,...