Stories and Starlight

In January, roads and journeys began and came to an end. Namely, I turned eighteen (the end of "childhood") and began Prospective Internship. I also saw some new opportunities for my acting journey. I met a professional actor, we connected, questions and advice were exchanged, and the chance of more acting training in the future was brought up. ( I feel such hope for the future I just know I've got to be on the right path, I thought.) In February, my heart was broken. For someone with no real experience in romantic relationships, I'd been struggling with my feelings for a while. That month, I wrestled with the growing realization that my romantic feelings and my real-life goals and convictions didn't align. That month, reality also slapped me in the face, and it stung. ( I hate this. But at least I know it'll serve as fuel for my poetry,  I sighed.) In March, my to-do list was filled to the seams. I had the unique experience of getting to teach a class about ...

Belated stream-of-consciousness birthday post! It's a mix of what I wrote in my journal, what I posted on Instagram that day, and some other thoughts to pull it all together. Italicized lines are from the song " Crossing a Bridge " from the Anastasia  Broadway musical. I've messed around with this writing style before, although I don't think I've ever published anything like it. It was very enjoyable -- that is, once I figured out where I was going with it.

Let me laugh for the sheer joy of laughing; laugh for the feeling of freedom that follows after a smile that can no longer contain itself. Let me cry over things both beautiful and heartbreaking; cry unashamed to shed the tears that bind us in our brokenness. Let me sing, let me shout, let me rise to great heights, unafraid of the name or the fame. With words and a pen, my voice and each choice, making this message heard, trying  to the very end. Let me see things strange in the mundane, see what You saw in a girl with great flaws, yet You called me by name. Let me cast off the fear that has shackled me, cast off the weight of the worries I carry. Let me marvel at the every wonder, at every star, at every tree, at every breath, every step, every beat of this unsteady heart. Laughing, crying, singing, sighing, trying - there's nowhere to go if I'm on my own, but with You, I will find  my identity. ______ Written: April 21, 2020

I. the poem look up...  i see you crying, tired of trying thought the day would be easier than this the light stops shining, night is blinding can't find your way walking with your eyes on the ground so look up you'll never know how much goes on above you look up you'll never know how far you might reach just look up there is so much to wonder at if you only look up 'cause there's so much to wonder at, if you only look up _______________________________________________________________ II. the story  it was an early start to the day, and i was not yet over the "i'm-not-a-morning-person" blues. all of a sudden a family member (who was slightly more awake) called my attention to the ceiling. right there, clear as day, was a rainbow. not a tiny speck of color, but a real beam of visible light. my first reaction was to take a photo of it. my second reaction... "wait, where'd it come from?" somehow, the lig...