Stories and Starlight

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I first saw the idea of " months in review " on another blog, amid these embers (which you should definitely check out), and I really liked the concept of summarizing my month, so I decided I'd give it a try. I've created my own template inspired by the original one but with a few differences, because I wanted it be unique and not an identical copy, which would be wrong. I'm saying this so you won't give me credit for the original idea. It is not mine and I believe I should respect that. So why am I writing this post? I really, really love remembering things. I'm very nostalgic and while I have a very good memory for some things, the passage of time is not one of them. So the principal reason for doing this to record the notable things that happen in a way that lets me see more of a big-picture idea of what a certain month was like when I look back. This is my first time writing something like this, so bear with me. I tried my best to make it interesting,...

Another assignment originally written for literature class. The prompt was to find words with distinctive sounds as well as a few words of my own invention, and use them to create a scene.  note: this is partially inspired by the setting of "Aladdin."

1. Originality “Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” [C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity ] I feel this. I think these words are especially meaningful for artists who are Enneagram Fours, like me. I often overthink or doubt my work because I worry that it's nothing new, too cliché, or not original enough. But the best and most impactful things I've created are the ones that tell it like it is (albeit poetically). 2. The Reason We Create “Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.  This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? D...

beneath that crown of tangerine-tipped ruffles, of saffron borders gently spreading is a stem-stalk cluster, a Seussical forest of tangled, mottled leaves bent over one another. packed in for breath. sprouting from browning trunks that lighten as they lengthen stretching                  r e a c h ing                                       s t r a i n i n g for the bursts of color above. undersides of an upside-down umbrella reversed romantic love; a matchmaker's mix-up. what once wrapped my wrist at a dance, what once you tossed at your wedding wilts, waiting for when it will be (once more) wrong side down and right side up **** photo & poem: 9.4.2020

"Who I am and who I wanna be cannot connect; why? .... I know I like to preach to always be yourself / but my emotions make me feel like i am someone else Me and pride had made a pact that we don't need no help / which feels like I'm at war inside myself but I forgot the shells  I hold my issue up for all to see, like show and tell / A lot of people know me, but not a lot know me well."  from " WHY " by NF

Let me laugh for the sheer joy of laughing; laugh for the feeling of freedom that follows after a smile that can no longer contain itself. Let me cry over things both beautiful and heartbreaking; cry unashamed to shed the tears that bind us in our brokenness. Let me sing, let me shout, let me rise to great heights, unafraid of the name or the fame. With words and a pen, my voice and each choice, making this message heard, trying  to the very end. Let me see things strange in the mundane, see what You saw in a girl with great flaws, yet You called me by name. Let me cast off the fear that has shackled me, cast off the weight of the worries I carry. Let me marvel at the every wonder, at every star, at every tree, at every breath, every step, every beat of this unsteady heart. Laughing, crying, singing, sighing, trying - there's nowhere to go if I'm on my own, but with You, I will find  my identity. ______ Written: April 21, 2020

i wouldn't have known if i was alone,  i wouldn't have known  what it is  to step up  to stand up to speak up to grow up. if i was alone,  i wouldn't have known  how it feels to reach for a dream  to fail to fall into a sea of words holding me up, saying "it's not the end," "get up,"  and "try again," "fall, but fall forward." your words guide me onward. you've offered me an hand and pulled me up and now, i can't say it enough: thank God i'm not alone, because then i wouldn't have known what it means to love. _________________________ dedicated to each and every person who has been a light to me during my years in ICC (plus my mom). i think you all know who you are <3 poem: September 25, 2019 photo: January 16, 2020 at ICC's IGNITE Winter Advance, Cedine Ministries Camp, Spring City, Tennessee

inspired by lyrics for "WE'RE GONNA BE ALRIGHT" by Switchfoot if you laugh until you cry or cry until you laugh; whatever the order, you'll be out of breath, your sides will hurt, you'll come out stronger than before. it's okay to cry. it's okay to laugh. it's okay to feel.  your emotions don't define you, they are only a part of you.  so don't be afraid to cry. when you've held it in too long and the balloon pops, let yourself go for a bit. take a breath, a new step, and don't forget - you're gonna be alright. so don't be afraid to laugh. when joy is uncontrollable and fun is uncontainable, let yourself go for a bit. take a breath (you know how much you need it), find the spring in your step, and don't forget - you're gonna be alright.  so don't be afraid to feel. some days your emotions will be elusive, some days they'll form a tidal wave, and when that wave crashes, and all that you feel in that moment is just...

I. the poem look up...  i see you crying, tired of trying thought the day would be easier than this the light stops shining, night is blinding can't find your way walking with your eyes on the ground so look up you'll never know how much goes on above you look up you'll never know how far you might reach just look up there is so much to wonder at if you only look up 'cause there's so much to wonder at, if you only look up _______________________________________________________________ II. the story  it was an early start to the day, and i was not yet over the "i'm-not-a-morning-person" blues. all of a sudden a family member (who was slightly more awake) called my attention to the ceiling. right there, clear as day, was a rainbow. not a tiny speck of color, but a real beam of visible light. my first reaction was to take a photo of it. my second reaction... "wait, where'd it come from?" somehow, the lig...

_________________________________________________________________________________ "Do something fun." FUN? What's fun? Lately the things I once did simply because I loved them have become almost like work. Simply tasks, little boxes to be checked off. And not that there's anything wrong with checking off the boxes (I love the feeling) but still... Where's the heart? Where's the fire? Where's the passion? Goals and ambitions can only take you so far. You know how the saying goes, all writers have writers' block, all artists have periods of no inspiration. And I know for every burst of inspiration there will be twice as much the need for determination, but all the same... Where's the heart? Where's the fire? Where's the passion? Discipline can only take you so far. I've lived so long in this endless round of to-do lists and deadlines and assignments that it has become my life. That kind of life means you wil...

Dear me, When you’re tired, turn your thoughts into poetry. When you’re angry, rearrange your armored walls until they open again. When you’re hurt, hurry to pour it out on the blank pages of a book. When you’re dying for things to be different, dare yourself - and find a way to change it. Don’t let your ugly feelings stay that way. Don’t leave them locked away. Let them out, but make them beautiful.